Sunday, May 08, 2005

Happy Mother's Day!

I was on About.com’s women’s health page (don’t ask), and found the following informational sidebar:

Women's Health Issues: What's Hot
Vaginal Discharge and You
10 Things About Fibroids
Women Talk About Ovarian Cysts
A Lifetime of Fitness
Abnormal Pap Smears

Abnormal pap smears have apparently joined the likes of dogs that look like rats, remakes of movies that were pretty damn good to start with and metrosexuals in the current and ever-changing world of "hot." However, if vaginal discharge is in, are sanitary napkins out?

In the interest of providing a more well-rounded view of the relative hotness and nothotness of women’s health, I’ve compiled (in consultation with the ladies from The View) a list of women’s health topics that are decidedly “not hot.”

Women's Health Issues: What’s Not Hot
Run a Tight Ship with Labiaplasty
Reusable Menstrual Cups*
The Female Condom-WTF?
Period Farts: Isn’t Activity in One Hole Enough?
Girl, What the Fuck is this?


* I'm not shitting you: It's The Keeper!

Thursday, May 05, 2005

She's fantastic, made of plastic

Goddamn, but that last post was so preachy. I got off my soap box, but I still can't do the laundry because I am not a



As I am pretty sure that that image didn't take, it's a publicity shot from the show Small Wonder, which is probably the best show ever and one of the strongest arguments for the cultural benefits of long term drug use. Who else could so brilliantly and nonsensically realize the powers of a sassy pre-teen robot into a lighthearted family drama?

A mile and a half on a bus takes a long time, but it takes even longer to figure out if you're insane, or if the upload image blogger function is permanently fucked for you, and you alone. Or maybe I'm just a mor-an.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

If nobody speaks of unremarkable things

I look like a fucking taxicab today, dressed all in black with banana yellow heels, and my hair is doing its best to impersonate Brooke Shields in a Sasoon ad circa '82. I'm walking down the street smoking, sunglasses falling off my head, and there's this older man in head-to-toe acid wash standing on the corner smoking a cigarette and scoping me out.

"Hello lady with yellow shoes! You look crazy!"
"And you sir, look like a fucking redneck standing on the corner waiting for a cockfight."

He was right. I am crazy, but I'm also sick of the honesty people on the streets of SF feel so confident in sharing with complete strangers. It's not the compassionate kind of honesty either, where someone might say "you look a bit sad today. Are you all right?" The honesty found here comes in the form of numerous random comments I hear directed at me, my friends or strangers, including the following, which I have directly experienced:

"You look like you need a good clit licking missy!"
"Excuse me ma'am, but those shoes are brothel walking shoes."
"You look like you have about as much sense as my little finger."

A few months ago, I read about some hippy-dippy group that was going around the country saying nice things and giving hugs to random people on the streets. At the time, I thought it was rubbish, as I am a cynical bitch. Now, I'm thinking of googling them and telling them they have competition, and that they better rev up their peanut butter powered VW engines and take back the streets of San Francisco.

The good thing today is that the SF Human Rights Commission found the owner of a local gay bar, Badlands, guilty of violating numerous local civil rights codes. Fuckface Owner not only admitted to saying that black patrons were "non-Badlands customers," but also required black patrons to show multiple forms of identification and adhere to a dress code not required of white patrons.

While I can't claim to understand where discrimination of any form comes from, I've always been especially dumbfounded by hypocrisies such as homophobia in the black community, sexism in the gay community and female racists. The Stonewall Rebellion, the Watts Riots and pro-choice protests should carry weight for all marginalized groups as attempts to forward the civil rights agenda, and discrimination is discrimination, despite historical and tactical differences.

Whew. I have to go look at pretty shoes now.