The smells of New York

I've decided, after watching The Warriors for the 500th time, that smells in New York are similar to gangs. Like the Lizzies and the Baseball Furies, each smell seems to claim its own territory. On 28th Street, near my office, the Barfs dominate the scene. Closer to home, in Hell's Kitchen, the Sharts run the streets, and Times Square sees ongoing battles between Bad Chinese Food, Overcooked Hotdogs and General Skank. Even my hallway has a new crew, the Chicken Fried Rotten Tampons that seems to be taking over our building from the basement.

The Baseball Furies used to scare the shit out of me. Even walking through Central Park the other day, I was terrified that Yankee-clad gang members were going to spot me, and slowly build a spooky gallop after me while carrying baseball bats.

And now, the MTV is set on remaking a perfectly fine movie to utter shit. The Warriors "2006" will be set in LA, where there is no Coney Island or late-night subway service, and will probably star Lindsey Lohan as the leader of the Lizzies and Robbie Williams as Cyrus. Instead of having the Warriors tear through NYC on the subways trying to get home, maybe Warriors 2006 can have these wannabe singers run through LA in town cars trying to get to a studio and a real producer to make a decent record. Or maybe, they'll all just die at the hands of Morrissey playing Meat is Murder on reverse from his Los Angeles abode.