I was on About.com’s women’s health page (don’t ask), and found the following informational sidebar:
Women's Health Issues: What's Hot
Vaginal Discharge and You
10 Things About Fibroids
Women Talk About Ovarian Cysts
A Lifetime of Fitness
Abnormal Pap Smears
Abnormal pap smears have apparently joined the likes of dogs that look like rats, remakes of movies that were pretty damn good to start with and metrosexuals in the current and ever-changing world of "hot." However, if vaginal discharge is in, are sanitary napkins out?
In the interest of providing a more well-rounded view of the relative hotness and nothotness of women’s health, I’ve compiled (in consultation with the ladies from The View) a list of women’s health topics that are decidedly “not hot.”
Women's Health Issues: What’s Not Hot
Run a Tight Ship with Labiaplasty
Reusable Menstrual Cups*
The Female Condom-WTF?
Period Farts: Isn’t Activity in One Hole Enough?
Girl, What the Fuck is this?
* I'm not shitting you: It's The Keeper!
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5 comments:
what? there's no way i deleted that last comment.
anyway, all i was going to say was that the "keeper" is something i've known about for years, since at least four friends of mine swear by them. once i asked, "isn't it a little cumbersome trying to gingerly remove a full cup of blood from your vagina without spilling?" my friend looked me straight in the eyes and said, with unflinching seriousness, "no, it's not."
"really?" i persisted, "it's not, like, just the slightest bit messy?"
"no," she replied earnestly, "it isn't."
so there you are. if you're not keen on tampon-induced toxic shock, the keeper definitely seems like the way to go, because once i saw something called a "reusable pad" at a pro-abortion rally ten years ago, and it really didn't seem like a viable option, since it was sewn together with various bits of fabric and yarn and burlap and thus looked like a little mini AIDS quilt gone horribly wrong. it didn't even have "wings." i was with a bunch of hardcore vegan political activist girls at the time and even they said "yuck."
Once when I was at work and was the recipient of a surprise reprise of my monthly cycle, a coworker gave me an "Instead," which is essentially a disposable keeper, and which I accepted out of sheer desperation.
After the hour and a half it took to fold the "Instead" and properly insert it (which was an experience akin to making an origami crane out of a damp square of toilet paper in the dark), I proceeded to limp around the office for the rest of the day as if I had a slingshot lodged in my vagina.
Holy crap! I've never heard of these. Seriously, I don't think that's something I could ever use. That's kinda...well gross?
!!??!!??!!??
As a guy, I'll refrain comment and only say that I greatly look forward to your Father's Day posting.
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